Approximately 75 minutes ago I answered the phone and had the following conversation:
Him: Hello, I am so-and-so calling from somewhere to tell you there is malicious software on your computer.
Me: Who is this?
Him: This is (so-and-so) from (somewhere).
(He had a strong accent)
Me: Who are you with?
Him: Global Internet.
Me: Global Internet?
Me: THE Internet?
Him: Yes, I am calling to let you know there is malicious software on your computer.
Me: This is THE Internet?
Me: You are like famous or something! Oh my gawd! I can’t believe someone from THE Internet is calling me! This is so cool!
Him: Yes, umm, there is malicious software on your computer.
Me: OMG. There is? Really? Right now?! Oh no! What does that mean?
Him: Yes, I am cal–
Me: Wait. Are you on my computer right now? Can you see me waving?
Him: Umm. I am calling abo–
Me: Hello! I’m waving right now. Can’ you see me?
Him: No. I am calling ab–
Me: Fuck off ya fuckwad.