The other day I used a double negative. I was devastated and embarrassed and almost in tears. You may say, “But, Kiki, it is just one double negative, I am sure no one noticed.” But someone did notice. Me.
This is how the incident happened. I was on a date and my date asked me, “So what are you doing tomorrow?” (This was grammatically correct, an important quality in a date) and my response was… “I am not doing nothing.”
Yes, you heard that correctly. I said, “I am not doing nothing.” I don’t know why I said it like that. Maybe I got distracted mid-sentence and forgot what I had said? Maybe it is because I am in Texas now and that is things are done here, y’all! All I know is as soon as the words tumbled out of my mouth I gasped and covered my mouth with both hands and attempted to push them back in so I could have a do over. I looked over at my date in horror and he just laughed. He laughed! I was devastated and embarrassed and he thought it was cute.
Maybe it is all the pink I am wearing. Maybe it is because I am letting dates pay for things and not insisting I am a feminist and I must pay for it all. Maybe it is all the cute cowboy drawls around me discombobulating my senses. All I know is that all those times I have mocked uneducated backwoods hillbillies who abused the convoluted grammar Americans have worked so hard to make confusing and their own, is coming back to bite me in the ass.